Grief Care Support Through Guided Imagery

Grief Care Support Through Guided Imagery

 Grief Care Support Through Guided Imagery

By Stacie Coller
Certified Hypnotist and Author of Awake in Angelscape

There is nothing quite so hard on the system as the fresh anguish of grief. The death of a loved one abruptly changes the entire landscape of our lives. It forces us to survive through a prolonged period of shock and mourning that requires an unprecedented level of support and self-care. Guided imagery can be used as a powerful tool that allows for consistent purging of emotional congestion, the comforting of a system that feels ripped to shreds, and the establishment of a “common ground” where we can interact with both spiritual support and our loved one(s) within the sanctity of our own imaginations.

The imagination is a beautiful thing. Not only does it interact directly with the wiring of our brains in very real ways, but it is also the door, platform and stage for all other mind/body/spirit transactions. The following guided imagery exercise, The Waters of Solace, is modified from activities used in my book, Awake in Angelscape. It is intended as a theme specific “Happy Place” where a person who is in deep grief can have a dedicated inner space for extreme self-care. Since many people who are in fresh mourning are often incapable of tending to anything, it is appropriate for a caring friend or therapist to assist as the guide through the imagery. It can also be audio taped in advance so it can be reused by the grief-stricken as needed.

I encourage the use of “sensory props” to assist those with less vivid imaginations because the intensity of the inner experience relates to how helpful it is. Your brain doesn’t heavily distinguish between what is real and imagined, so you can “tickle your brain” (maximize brain stimulation) by using “outside” sensory props, which can boost the impact by lighting up more areas of the brain. You can read my previous article, “Effective Guided Imagery Techniques for the ‘Imaginally Challenged’” to assess your imagery strengths and weaknesses, so you know what sensory props would be most helpful.

If you don’t want to take the time to do an assessment of your imaginal skills, I encourage you to include as many sensory props as you can to enhance the impact of your experience. If you use nothing else, I highly recommend obtaining a fist-sized piece of rose quartz (or larger) to use as a real prop for the “Breathing Stone” that is written into the imagery activity. The weight of the rock should be substantial enough that the heft of it easily maintains sustained attention at the heart area, where grief pain often sits in a tangible way.

I also love “flower essences” for grief care, such as Bach’s brand “Rescue Remedy”, or FES “Grief Relief”, which can be found on-line or at many natural or whole foods grocery stores. Just ask the store clerk for assistance. If you wish, you may use flower essences in a real cup of tea as a sensory prop for the healing drink represented in the activity. It is easier to imagine that an actual drink has grief healing properties if you have actually placed a “grief healing medium” of some kind into it, such as a herbal tincture, homeopathic remedy, or flower essence.

Sensory Prop Suggestions for the Waters of Solace Guided Imagery Activity

You may use as many or as few of these as you wish while you are within your guided imagery experience. If you find it distracting to use them, you may skip them altogether. You simply engage the sensory props where they show up in the guided imagery script, or provide the “hands-free” ones in the background, and use them to help you “tickle the brain” so the activity registers “as real” as possible to maximize the benefit.

Sight: Use photographs of actual beach trips or other ocean scenes that help you get the image of the beach into your mind. Special helpers are used in the imagery, so you may wish to have images of spiritual figures that are relevant to your personal beliefs—figures that you feel would be helpful to someone in grief. The brain uses its own memory to construct new imagery, so it would be best for you to construct your “Waters of Solace” environment by pulling from your own memories whenever possible.

Sound: I recommend an ocean wave CD that can run in the background for the sound prop. Sound stimulation is one of the easiest props to include in any guided imagery/meditation activity. There are also ocean wave CD’s on the market that can provide an additional layer of subliminal suggestions for grief care, which can be used with or without imagery.

Touch: The activity unfolds inside a small pool of warm water, like a hot tub, that overlooks a beach. It would be fantastic to do the activity in an actual bathtub, or hot tub, if possible. I also recommend sipping on seltzer water to bring the cleansing bubble texture to mind when “cleansing water” is mentioned in the script. A later activity involves being swaddled with a soft fuzzy wrap, so a lovely fuzzy blanket or robe can help to feel the sense of that happening. In one activity, a “Breathing Stone” is used to help locate “pockets of concentrated grief”, so that a Helper can vacuum it out. As I mentioned, I highly recommend getting a real stone for that, which can also be used as a “touch point” for heart breathing, with or without imagery. A “Solace Balm” is imagined as a slather on the heart, and then poured into the water, as well as a cup of tea. You can use a mild muscle warming rub, or menthol rub (for colds) on the heart/chest to help you ‘feel’ the warm, soothing relief to that area, as well as a milk based bath oil if you are doing the activity in a tub.

Taste: I like using healing drinks in guided imagery activities because everyone has very vivid memories of drinking. Also, it is extremely easy to integrate a real drink (with or without flower essences) into the imagery experience whenever a healing drink is imagined. In this activity, I use a cup of tea, boosted with the “Solace Balm”, as the healing drink. I recommend having a cup of floral herbal tea, sweetened with honey as the taste prop. The balm is described as being “like honey”, so the sensation will be coordinated with what the brain expects to taste.

Smell: The Waters of Solace Pool is described as having flowers surrounding it. Smell is another easy sensory prop because you can engage it without any additional fuss. You can get real flowers to place near you during the activity, or include potpourri, floral incense, essential oils, or floral perfume. Coconut tanning lotion is another possible smell prop to bring in the sense of the beach itself.

Instructions and Elements within the Waters of Solace Guided Imagery Activity

Grief Care Team: You will be imagining special helpers during the activity. The helpers can be personal or spiritual, as you wish. The only requirement is that you perceive the helpers in your team as being able to assist you beyond your own abilities and that you are comforted and nurtured by them. It is appropriate for you to integrate your own spiritual beliefs into the helpers you choose. If you do not have strong spiritual beliefs, or have no idea who you might wish to imagine helping you, you can simply “allow” those elements to emerge naturally, or leave their faces and personalities ambiguous.

Waters of Solace Pool: The pool that is imagined is like a soothing hot tub that is filled with the cleansing and healing waters of “solace”. This pool is the “go to” environment where you will purge emotional congestion from your system and receive other support. You will imagine a strong filter at the bottom of the pool that pulls the energy of grief down and away from you, keeping the waters clear and pure. A special grief helper will use a “Sorrow Vacuum” that retracts from the side of the pool, like a cross between a dental tool and a wet/dry shop vac, to help you release stubborn grief that may feel “clotty” or “thick”. You imagine that your body and the “Breathing Stone” are not fully solid so that the suction hose can easily move through them to locate and remove stagnant emotional congestion. Do your best to imagine the sound of wet, clumpy liquid being sucked into a vacuum when you imagine it working.

Water Breathing Cleanse: The water breath cleanse is set up as a way to purge congestion, stress, and tension, as well as a form of “progressive relaxation” that shifts you into a state of relaxation. To do this breath, you imagine that your body is hollow, like a straw, from the soles of your feet to the top of your head. You will “pull” the cleansing water of the pool “in” through the soles of your feet on the in breath, hold it, then “push” it back out your feet on the exhale (heavy with whatever gunk it removed from your system). If you have a hard time imagining the sensation of water being pulled and pushed around your body, you may simply tense up the same muscle groups on the in breath, and release the tension on the out breath. The water breath cleanse is an excellent meditation activity you can use for emotional clearing and relaxation, whether or not you are doing grief care work. Practice it a bit before actively engaging the guided imagery activity.

Heart Breathing: This is a variation of the water breath, as you will be doing the same “pulling water in” on the in breath and “pushing water out” on the out breath, but you will be drawing the cleansing/healing water directly into and out of your chest area. A Grief Care Helper uses a special “Breathing Stone” with the “Sorrow Vacuum” to help focus breath to the areas that hurt. Heart breathing is a useful skill that can be plucked from the guided imagery activity and engaged directly, with or without an actual “Breathing Stone”.

Trauma Care Cocoon: After you emerge from the pool, your Grief Care Team will swaddle you up like a baby with a supremely soft and cuddly wrap that seals in the “Solace Balm”. The purpose of this is for you to imagine a cocoon of care surrounding you, to fortify, protect, and strengthen you. It is also used to provide a sense of mending of the “ripping away” so common with those who have suffered fresh grief. It should be re-swaddled each visit to the Waters of Solace, particularly during the first few months.

The Waters of Solace Guided Imagery Activity

Directions: The flow of the activities is formatted in progressive stages by number. Each individual sequence is like an act in a play that you should allow to develop and conclude. Some people will add more detail and go slower, while others will have a faster pace. If you are in the position of “guide”, you can ask for the person to “nod their head yes” when they are ready to continue, such as provided in parenthesis. Include the sensory props in the appropriate areas, keeping the eyes closed as much as possible. Skip them if they are distracting. Once the initial environment and Grief Care Teams are set up, you may begin at number three, the water breath cleanse activity, and then move on from there. It is important to talk very calmly, slowly and deliberately, as if each sentence—and important key words—need a moment to register and “soak in”. Remember that an interactive scene is being generated and that the activities described need to play out in real time. It is okay for the bereaved to cry during the activity. Support it by saying, “Allow the deep sadness to move out of your system with as much ease and grace as possible. Good. When you are ready to continue, nod your head.” Finish if you can, start again later if not.

1. Close your eyes, and adjust yourself until you feel comfortable. Good. Imagine you are sitting in a beautiful, small, hot tub-like pool overlooking the ocean. The water is warm and effervescent, and feels so soothing and relaxing. The ocean and sky are radiant shades of blue…the sound of the waves, rhythmic and calming…the aroma of the potted flowers around the pool, deeply stirring to the senses. Allow yourself to “let go” into the richness of the scene, pulling from your own memories of similar sensations. Look around you and allow the details to gradually build themselves in, to make themselves known, and to provide you with an environment that meets your needs of a perfect inner sanctuary. Add a deck or platform area, a table, lounging chairs, fountains, or whatever else feels right to you. You can modify and add details to this environment any time you visit. You are the designer of this inner sanctuary and you can decorate it as you wish. When you are ready, continue. (Or: Please nod your head yes when you are ready to continue.)

2. Imagine a small group of people, your Grief Care Team, walking up to the pool area with several items in their hands. Their smiles are so warm and loving that you feel immediately at ease and happy with their presence. Greet them in whatever way feels appropriate to you and allow them to do the same. These are the special helpers who are designated to assist you through your grieving process, who will be present for you when you request them… for as long as you feel you need their assistance. It is their job to provide you with the internal and spiritual resources from which you may readily lean on in your times of need. When you have finished meeting and greeting your Grief Care Team, you may continue. (OR: … please nod your head yes.)

3. Imagine that your body is hollow and that you can pull the warm, bubbly, cleansing water up through the soles of your feet and all the way through your body. Breathe in now, and imagine the water being pulled up to your knees… then breathe it back out, allowing all the stress, tension, and congestion to be pushed out with the water and into the filter at the bottom of the pool. Good. Now breathe the water up from your feet, all the way to the top of your thighs. Feel the water tingling, cleansing, and purifying everything it touches. Now push your breath and the water back out of the bottom of your feet. Good. Next, breathe the water all the way up into your abdominal cavity, your bottom, and your lower back. Feel the cleansing bubbles in the water target, grab onto, and hold tight to anything that doesn’t belong… anything that makes you feel heavy….then PUSH your breath and the water back out of the bottom of your feet. The filter at the bottom of the pool takes all the congestion and debris away as soon as it exits your body from your feet. Good. Next, pull the water all the way up into your full body cavity; your chest, upper back, shoulders, arms, and hands. Imagine that you are full of cleansing, purifying water from the top of your shoulders to the tips of your toes. Allow the bubbles to find and grab all congestion…then PUSH your breath and the water back out of the bottom of your feet. Good. On the next breath, pull the cleansing water all the way up into your head, filling your whole body with the purifying liquid… but instead of pushing it back out of your feet, push it up and out of the top of your head like a spout. Fill your body up and then push the water out of the top of your head several times. When you are ready, continue. (OR: Please nod your head yes when you are ready to continue.)

4. One of your Helpers climbs into the pool with you to assist you with the next activity. S/he will be helping you to release the most difficult to release pain and anguish with as much ease and grace as possible. S/he shows you the “Sorrow Vacuum”, that is like a hose that retracts from the side of the pool wall. S/he also hands you a beautiful large pink stone, so smooth and gemmy. This is your “Breathing Stone”. It is your job to hold it over the parts of your chest that bother you the most, so your Helper can stick the hose through it to find the deposits of the most stubborn and concentrated sadness. Imagine placing it, right now, over the tightest area of your chest. Now breathe the cleansing water of the pool through the rock, pulling it directly into your chest area. Good. Imagine that your Helper sees the pocket of concentrated sadness and gently inserts the end of the hose through the rock, directly into the core of the compacted energy. Breathe the cleansing water back out now, as forcefully as you can, and allow yourself to hear and feel the suction provided by the vacuum…swiftly and strongly pulling the clotted congestion from your heart area. Good. Move the Breathing Stone around and reposition it to another area of concentrated hurt. Now breathe the water in, let your Helper locate the mass of congestion, then push it out into the powerful suction of the vacuum. The more you release this congestion, the better you will feel. Continue this until you feel that you have finished purging the grief congestion for this session. When you are ready, you may continue. (Or: Please nod your head yes when you are ready to continue.)

5. Your Helper shows you a beautiful clay pot. It is filled with a thick and syrupy “Solace Balm”. The balm looks like illuminated honey. It is applied directly over the region of the heart where you may have felt tightness or aching. Allow the balm to coat this area thickly, fully, thoroughly. Breathe it in and around your system where it is needed, allowing the soothing warmth to thaw and relax your heart. Your Helper applies some directly into and onto your heart, soothing the aches, and filling in the cracks like a type of perfect heart-healing spackle. Good. One large tablespoon of the Solace Balm is added to a cup of waiting tea for you to sip. Take a sip of the heart healing drink now. Good. Your Helper then pours the rest of the contents of the clay pot into the pool, transforming it into a milky, moisturizing bath, coating your whole body with the soothing balm. Feel it filling in all the places in your system that have felt battered and ripped apart with grief. Allow it to sink in, like fine creamy silt, mending the cracks, soothing the tattered edges, and gluing your heart and emotional body back together with deep care, resiliency, strength, and unwavering core balance. Good. Very, very good. When you are finished, you may exit the pool for the final activity. (Or: Please nod your head yes when you are ready to exit the pool for the final activity.)

6. Imagine that your Grief Care Team swaddles you with a large fuzzy wrap…spinning around and around you until you are sweetly cushioned within your “Trauma Care Cocoon”…feeling safe and secure in every way. Allow them to wrap it to the thickness you desire, adding to your strength and balance, and sealing in the Solace Balm so that it sets and mends with full integrity. When it reaches the optimal thickness, imagine your Grief Care Team placing their hands on the cocoon, imbuing it with the power of their love and support, saturating each and every thread that surrounds you…helping you to be stronger and more resilient than you ever thought you could…surrounding you with a cushion of added protection, fortification, and inner calm. Feel yourself totally engulfed and buffered…comforted and supported. Good. Now imagine yourself at bedtime, wrapping yourself in your blankets, returning immediately to this feeling of support. See yourself sleeping more soundly, like a baby swaddled in comforting love…able to awake the next morning feeling strengthened, steady, and calm. See yourself the next day, ready to handle whatever the day brings you…able to walk forward with grace…supported, carried, loved. Good. You have done excellent work today. Your Helpers are very proud of you. They are smiling with an overflowing of compassion and care for you. You have made the most of your time here and have established this healing space as your personal sanctuary within.

7. Please say good-bye to your Grief Care Team. You are invited to return here to this healing space any time you feel you need it. They recommend that you come back once a day, or more, until you feel stronger… but do come consistently. Your team will flash an image of the pool to you, or provide some other inner prompt, when it is optimal for you to return for your care and wellness. When you are ready, you may move your awareness back to your waking state and open your eyes. Take time to journal, draw, or do any other activity to help you remember your experience.

It would be ideal to be guided through the first visit to the Waters of Solace, and then create an audio tape from the third sequence to the end for daily visits. When the grieving person is ready, the loved one who has died can be officially invited to join the Grief Care Team. The Waters of Solace activity can then progress from just a platform for self-care into a type of spiritual “common ground” between the living and the deceased. It can be used to help foster a sense of continued connection, which most people find extremely comforting and healing. A new guided session is recommended that describes that and allows for a conversation, exchange of gifts, and whatever other activities that seem relevant and healing. The Waters of Solace is intended to be a continuing working tool and platform to provide support throughout the entire grieving process. Eventually, a person will not need to have a guided session, but can instead, just enter into the space, do the work, and then linger to allow spontaneous imagery to emerge. The space will gain more depth and richness the more times it is used, eventually eliminating the need for sensory props, if any were used to set it up.

Stacie Coller is the author of Awake in Angelscape, a guided imagery/meditation book that uses a journey through an imaginary landscape to initiate a progression of self-healing and wholeness activities that are designed to be as deeply evocative as possible. She has been a certified Hypnotist for over 25 years, as well as a Reiki Master, artist, writer, workshop facilitator, and retailer of holistic healing supplies on eBay as “stacierocks”. She lives just outside of Asheville, North Carolina, with her husband and daughter. She is currently facilitating workshops for professionals and general audiences about effective guided imagery techniques, such as described in this article. You can visit the author at the website: awakeinangelscape.com to learn about upcoming events. Awake in Angelscape can be found on Amazon.com.